A childhood

As children we all have one thing in common, a wait.

There is a variety to what that entails, although in life we all must wait.

The wait may be in line for a ride while others may wait for their daddy to change.

Some may wait for dessert while others may wait simply for the lights to come back on.

The unknown is simply, why?

Why is it never fair? The reasoning is that “Life is not fair.”

Yet, I feel that I must remonstrate.

I will not justify it as just not being far.

It is not enjoyable to receive the short end of the stick time and time again.

What of those having the not-so fortunate lot in life?

I’m five and yet here I am.

I wait for my father to change, to have a good day, to be who I know he could be.

I dream about what all the others children have, a father.

I forgive even without an apology. An apology I know I’ll never get.

I wait for what I’ll never receive. I look on in envy at the other kids.

It’s as simple as the effortless ability to put food on the table. It’s as simple as having a loving set of parents.

I ask for one thing, if I cannot have anything else.

Deep down, I hate myself for what I desire most.

I wish for them all to leave, to walk out for good.

Once I’m fine, I wish for them to never come back.

It seems that life has still kept me waiting.

I now am here waiting for my mom to show me the love of a mother.

I wait for a relationship that I’ll never have.

What did I do for them to despise me so much? Is it my fault?

The thoughts that keep me up at night.

My “happy”childhood has been non existent.

Finally, I understand.

Maybe, just maybe, it doesn’t have to be like this.

Our childhood is said to affect our turnout so maybe I am destined to become like them.

Never should that idea prevail inside of my head because it is ill.

I do not have to become them, I will not become them.

3 years left of a childhood to endure.

When my freedom is granted, I can leave behind my past.

Therefore my determination is elementary.

I will be what I have never seen, I will be kind.

Life has kept me waiting but it’s also pushed me along.

Time is said to stop for no one.

Waiting has made me the person I am today.

So I spit in the face of destiny because today I have won.

A new chapter begins today. A new fate, and ultimately a new destiny.

The wait in life has changed my perspective. I am left with one question.

What will I now wait for? It is my life in my hands.