Childless mother

I close my eyes Feel the wet grass beneath my splayed body His hands all over my shrinking frame Hoping if I fade away enough I will be too small And he will leave me be So I lie there A victim to a witness less crime My eyes open and he's not there And I'm not there And moon has turned to the sun And children laugh where i screamed As if it never happened As if some merciful deity had taken me away Carrying on as if it was just another school day As if the worst possible thing hadn't just happened Wanting to scream wanting to cry But all I had were those honest and merciful less lines staring back up at me Weak knees giving out from beneath me Pretending I give a shit about class systems After learning the stories those lines told created Our future unstable But somehow a future accepted and named already A future erased by a trickle of red from between my thighs With that trickle you were gone And with you I was gone too I still close my eyes sometimes and see you Give you the air from my lungs And the beat from my heart Hoping if I give you all of me, it'll be enough for you to be given back to me For me to be able to hold you safely in my arms But it never is And I am left alone A childless mother