Chill love

I cant Lie when I am Laying awake in my bed i run around this dangerous playground inside my Head and there no rest.. no theres no rest. Mind feeling some empty place inside. These feelings i got...i cant hide. I built a maze & i cant get out I walk into dead ends running into locked doors and It hurts just to be inside my own World I try to brush it off telln myself its not in Me to feel lost, Pieces of me falling . An illusion Ive create inside my head. Dimiss myself and back to the Pen. Dreading life alone as i lie .Awake, OPENED eyed on my bed. Dreaming Again Tryn to escape this maze inside my head As i run on the dangerous playground Once Again and theres no rest..no theres no rest Whats missing? Somethin that Aint even there,I cant begin to comprehend . How can i even be trippn off Empty space? A pit that never ends.Clouded by confusions but my heart keeps pulling me IN .I cant seem to fill its Just an illusion ive came to the Conclusion . Giving love aint the same as being loved I cant lie about it I Just turn a little cold . Part of me is holding back part of me getting Old .Feelings of being deprived So i just carry on like i Dont lack the notion . Like LOVE aint really on my Mind some one that could really understand me,feel my Vibe. Focused on my business ,still Unimpressed with these boys, unwanted attention leads to me being reserved with every inch and its Depressing I want to feel gone ive seen it all,boys pretending to be men when in reality thier the one that quivering within, feeding into fear. Should have accepted it for what it was A lost cause and left it Behind even though it was beneath me i still gave my time. Perpatraiting my kindness , Should have took my losses and ran left it All behind ,Still never hear anything worth the noise. Why i dont stop to even look up, tired of these boys acting like time and choice is a game. Elevated mind constant eye on the prize &watching my aim, The only thing that holding me back is why i havent let go of the need to succeed for my Dreams. I Wonder am i Overthinking puttin off strangers because really im sick iniside cause i see the games ... Interrupting my peace of mind for a dead decsussions Whats a man to me if ive never seen one I cant connect. I can Confess .. Would a simple man understand .Wishing i could really meet One Maybe the one Still im not impressed with the looks they tryn to sneak like i dont notice you tryn to catch a glance but still your ass weak . You dont see me . Love aint there i learned to look for love in open pages instead of dark places lookn pass I see right threw what you present to me. Is it a curse to see a man just a man and nothing more Anger in his fists , broken down words ,Weak connection doesn't know who he is from the rest of the world , taking and destroying Cursing the grounds that he steps on .All in the doing works with his secret plans while loosing his soul on the way to being a "real man" And still i run from love.What is a man if i have never faced one Whats is a man if there is no example how to raise them Would he see me fully intellectully naked Or is this love.