chocolate roses

i sit crying in a pile of apologies they don’t mean anything, just condolences and confusion and loss beyond words. it hurts, knowing what i know. it hurts more, when i can crack a smile on my porcelain face, breaking it open when you left and shut it tight. it’s unfair, the whispers echo after me as i walk. it’s unfair to you, and it’s unfair to everyone else, because they didn’t know you. not like i knew you. why do they get to cry? it’s not fair. i’m sorry, the letters and chocolates and cards tell me each day. i’m so sorry for your loss. i hate it when people say that. all it does is remind me. not that i don’t want to remember you, but i don’t want to remember you as an apology from someone else’s lips you deserve so much more than that you should have had the world you should have had the sun and the moon it should have been me instead of you people wouldn’t be so sorry if it was me instead it’s not fair, i cry. it’s not fair, my shadow echos in return. im so sorry, my friend.