Choices

Here we are

You across from me

You’re back is all that I see

And she’s holding the trophy

The mistakes I have made are my own

The choices I made are my pain

The irony that follows, 

The choices were made to end my pain

Instead they caused more

I ignored all the warnings you gave

And she watched, learning my weakness

She lured me in and i fell for it

Her lure trapped me in the cycle 

She knew what would happen

You’d told her it all

And I fell right into her hand

It was a game I didn’t realize was being played

I should have listened when you said run

I should have listened when you said stop

You warned me of the path I’m on 

Said it’s not too late for me

But it was never about the path for me

I was already an addict in a different sense 

It wasn’t drugs or sex or pain that I sought

It was your presence

It brought a comfort my soul had never know 

It brought peace

It could calm any panic I had

And I still can’t tell you why

Obsession doesn’t do that

I know how I seem

Naive and pathetic

Can’t seem to let go

But you don’t know that I tried 

That I fought to get away

That I searched to find someone else

It never worked

It can’t be obsession

Not when every fiber says to let go

To give up

To move on

But the voice in my head goes against my heart

I’ve never been fond of rollercoasters

And here I am stuck on one that won’t stop looping

You leave

Then come back

Never do I really know where I’m at

Where I stand

Where to go

With every step you take away from me

My inner darkness grows 

The light in my tunnel goes farther away

Surrounded by razors and ice 

I searched out to be numb

But I went too far

Now I’m freezer burnt and frozen 

Two options remain 

Turn back and numb to the point of death

Or keep fighting for my light and my sunshine

But now I must choose without my light by my side