Choosing Between the Two

Because I Love You,

I have to let him go. I have to preserve my self worth and drag the words out of my mouth with iron pliers. "This isn't working anymore." I have to breathe through my choking cries as I manage a whisper through the phone. We circle around, back and forth. Back and forth. We are still here. We are still where we started. 

Because I Love Him, 

I crumble at the thought of him, shaking with pain in his bed, alone. I remind myself that I had to do it. It was for the best, for both of us. I can't provide his needs and he can't, with mine. He deserves someone who can give him all of the attention he needs. The touches. The phone calls.

Because I Love You,

I have to think of myself and what I need. I have to bang it into my skull in order to remember what I deserve, too.

I loved him and I still do. 

But I love me too.