church lied

a dark space mentally.

here i've been sitting

waiting for an answer

i knew that i couldn't escape it 

but everyone taught me i could

they lied

i tried all the happiness this worlds got.

nature

church

friends

family

i still feel alone

in my own home

under the roof of the church

amongst my friends laughing

wind brushing against my skin

i feel alone.

there never was a god to protect me

there never was a savior

so much made up bullshit

i prayed so many nights away believing someone cared

it was so much false hope 

i cried myself to sleep

AS A FUCKING KID BELEIVING GOD DIDN'T LOVE ME

BELEVING I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH

I WAS A KID

that kid is dead

time didn't heal her

it woke her up.