Clear as Mud

I haven't been feeling like myself. 

I'm confused by desire and love.

I'm in love with someone who I'm starting to believe doesn't care.

Maybe I hoped for much.

Maybe my desire for something that once

was almost there is too strong.

I want to be done with being in love with you.

No, I need to be done with being in love with you.

I want to be able to not think of you or hear your name.

It's easier to say than to do. I know that.

However, it's not too say that if you were,

here that is, I'd accomplish any of this.

It's much more easier with you gone.

But, distance makes it that much harder.

See I contradict myself because

my mind is manipulated by desire and

my heart is blinded by what I want to call LOVE.

Love.

I find myself questioning the meaning of this word and 

whether or not it's for me.

Is the way that I express my Love the "right" way?

But, who is to determine whether my emotions

and the way I express it are "right" or "wrong"?

The one in which this emotion is emerging or desires for?

If they classify the love one has for them "wrong,"

does that then affect the person psychologically?

Where they suffer from a condition informally

called heartbreak, or from depression?

Do they create a false sense of reality

in which "love" from any other will suffice?

Is this what breaks down people emotionally and mentally?

To the state I'm in now? How can I be sure?

That this is how I'm feeling? That it's true?

That this feeling isn't just because it's 12:43 AM & I'm cuddled in my bed alone?

Joahnna