close friends

I wish

I wish it had ended the moment i got in my car and drove off

I wish it had ended the moment you kissed me goodbye

I wish it had ended the moment i said i had to go

Because you gave me hope

Hope that there would be an us

Hope that this wasn’t a one time thing

Hope that someone finally though i was enough

Maybe

Just maybe

You had that hope too

But now i’m sitting at my computer screen

Typing

Writing about the boy i thought was the one

Writing about how your kisses felt right

Writing about how your arm fit perfectly around me

Why you may ask

And honestly i  have no clue

I don’t know why i memorized every crevice of your face

Or why i remember little things you tell me

I don’t know why i think about you when certain songs come on

Or why i mention you anytime someone talks to me

I don’t know why i fell so hard for you

And i especially don’t know why i stuck around when i knew this would never work out

I put all my feelings aside

As you tell me about this new girl

And how amazing she is

I don’t say a thing

Because you sound so happy

And who am i to stop that?

Because now we’re “close friends”

It’s like what happened

Never happened

It’s in the oblivion

It’s forgotten

By everyone

Except me

Those memories still come up

Those memories are engraved in my mind

Engraved in the very back of my brain with memories i want to forget but can’t

And you’re not helping

You continue to call me and talk for hours

And for just a small fraction of time

I once again have hope

Hope in another chance for there to be an us

But then that hope fades away

And once again i find myself writing about you

I find myself reminiscing

All those amazing times

When i got butterflies in my stomach

So nervous i could barely speak

I couldn’t even look at you

You brought so much happiness into my life

At a time of sadness

But what now?

What do i do when

You have became the reason behind the sadness

What do i do

When you no longer want me

You want her

When you have moved on to another pretty face

And adore her more than you ever adored me

When you change the way you act

To fit her image of what she wants you to be

What do i do

When you talk to me about how much you love her

And can’t live without her

About how she makes you so happy

The happiest you’ve ever been  

About how she might be the one

Like your other half, your soul mate

About how she makes you feel

Like no one has ever made you feell

But yet you call me up in the middle of the night

You scream and vent to me about how mad you are

How she just started another argument

How she doesn’t understand

How she isn’t acting the same anymore

What do i tell you?

Because deep down i want to tell you to break up with her

She isn’t right for you

She’s not the one for you

But i don’t, i help you out

You patch things up with her and i hear you click so you can call her

And i lay back knowing that i did the right thing

As a close friend i’m supposed to help you out

So all feelings aside.