Closed Doors

You can be two completely different people. When the door is closed and when it is open. I am two people. One that the world sees. And one that hides behind the locked door. This is what you see, an intelligent young lady holding a degree, got a great paying job. You think I am a bright and healthy looking individual. Well presented, eating well, exercising regularly, a kind and well-mannered person. You think I have great friends and a supportive family. You feel I have it all, the perfect life.  

Yeh fucking right.

Behind the closed doors I am nowhere near what everyone thinks I am. I have an eating disorder! I can’t hold any food down. Purging on average 6 times a day. Completely addicted to food and the sensation of purging it all up, as soon as it enters my stomach. Unable to smile unless I force myself. Constantly crying and staring in mid-air. I can’t look at the mirror longer than a few moments as I feel disgusted by what looks back at me. I hate my job, I hate my profession. I am mentally ill, yet the world cannot see that. Or am I just great at hiding it?

I am nothing you think I am. I am two people. Close the door and I will change. Open the door and I will show you what you want to see. Open your eyes for goodness sakes, open your eyes!!! I am slowly killing myself, I am yelling for help. I want to stop this hell. But no one seems to hear me, no matter how loud I shout, because I look fine and I am doing exactly what is expected. When will someone look beyond that.  

Its crazy right. How a closed door can change a human completely in nature. Behind closed doors she is a lesbian yet on the other side she says she’s heterosexual. Yes, behind closed doors he makes himself bleed and cut deep scare into his body, but open the door and they are simple injuries from him being clumsy. Close the door and she will have numerous affairs as soon as the door opens she is a loving wife. He smiles and laughs, and goes out has a few drinks, but guess what as soon as the door is closed he drinks alcohol uncontrollably, every night.

A closed door can change us in many ways don’t you think?