Closer

The old wooden door creaked as it opened

And it reminded me of the sound of my bones.

While I watched you walk in

My knees shook, almost as much as my hands, as I listened to the only sound I could hear:

My own heartbeat.

Your stormy blues met my emerald greens

Followed by the haunting look that can only be shared by two past lovers

Who are still mourning the death of their love.

I tried not to follow you when you went back out of the door

But the one thing I’ve never been

Is strong enough to stop my legs from bringing me closer to you.

You leaned against your car

I stood four feet away with my arms crossed

But even in the cold October wind,

I still felt warm.

I also felt like I wanted to

Cry

Smile

Scream

Laugh

Die

But instead we stood there

Hands in pockets

Hearts in throats

Brains in scrambles

As we tried to think of something to say

Other than

I

Love

Hate

Miss

Can’t fucking stand

You.

A one armed hug and an awkward wave

Put a bullet in the life of that moment

I watched you drive away in a car

That still plays my favorite CD

And still has my jacket in the trunk.

I wonder if

You still sleep with the fan on because I’d get too hot.

Or if

You still think of me when it rains.

I used to think all I needed was you.

But now I know I was wrong.

Brainwashed.

Mistaken.

Wrong.

I learned how to smash the spiders

And how to air up my tires.

I bought a stool to reach the tall things

And tissues to wipe up my tears about the small things.

I never needed you.

All I ever needed was me

To see

That

I am the wind beneath my wings.

I am the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am the rainbow after the rain.

I am the breath of fresh air.

I deserve to be happy.

I deserve to be free.

All I need is me.