coffee and cardigans and contradictions

I am sharp features and a sharper tongue--

I joke that my nose walks into a room before I do 

and I am far too sarcastic for most people's taste

 

I am long hair and a living body,

the latter I am still learning to love 

 

I am an obnoxious laugh 

that I covered up for years before learning to embrace my quirks 

 

I am a listener; I am a storyteller 

I can paint pictures of thousands of your memories and my own 

I probably remember too many seemingly insignificant details

but I've never been good at distinguishing 

between what's important and what isn't 

 

I am an observer 

of people 

of the world 

of everything but myself 

I am a list of things I love 

I love:

sweaters

reading

rainy days

music 

small animals

the Internet 

my family

my friends

and I am working on myself 

 

I can never quite form my thoughts the way I want to so I am often frustrated 

I am good grades that could be better 

(and also maybe a little self deprecating) 

I am silent panic attacks in the back of classrooms 

(and not so silent ones running through the halls to the bathroom before I completely collapse)

I am pieces of my friends and family 

(but only my favorite ones)

I am considered a liberal in my family (and I'm okay with that) 

 

I am a cynical human being looking for love in a cynical world 

I am unfinished thoughts 

and a notebook and purse full of notes 

written to remember important things 

(which end up useless because I don't remember to look at them)

 

I say I don't believe in ghosts,

but when I was little I interrupted my mother talking to say hello to my great grandfather who I never got the opportunity to meet 

I am curiosity and an overactive imagination 

I have always had too many questions to ask and hope I will never run out 

 

I am knitting needles and unfinished projects 

I am overused CDs because some albums are worth more than a digital download 

I am black coffee 

and coffee with cream and sugar 

and would-you-like-some-coffee-with-your-sugar on mornings I am too tired even to see 

 

I am baking at Christmas with my mom and hers,

making homemade pizza with my brother until the day we won't anymore, 

(and never letting him live down the fact that I am one minute older than him)

 

I am words I will never say because I am too afraid to 

I am words on a page and to some that might be a sad way to exist 

but for me it is enough