Coffee and Cigarettes

He was surprised

That I was drinking coffee

Like it was this new thing that made

No sense to him

And I wondered if we were going to spend

The entire two hours talking about the fact

That I like coffee

Because we ran out of things to talk about

When I wore my hair in pigtails

And he drove a Volvo

Now he drives a Honda

And I drink coffee

And he’s still going on about how bad it is for me

Coffee and cigarettes

Like because I’m addicted to caffeine

I must also be addicted to nicotine

But see I don’t smoke because

I’m not the biggest fan of cancer.

So I’m staring at his mouth

Moving like a vacuum

Sucking all of the “I miss you”

Out of the room

Wondering what I should tell him

Wondering if he deserves to know anything

About the things that I was writing

Tucked into my bedroom

Composing nonsensical prose

Like a ten year old composes concertos

Or about the boy

In the oversized red sweater

Who makes my lungs grow legs

And run circles around my heart

But all he’s saying is coffee this

And coffee that

And I'm wondering if I'm going to have to explain to a grown man

That people change

Even if it's just to drink coffee.

Even if it isn't.

Coffee and cigarettes

Like they go together

Because he was a smoker

And she was a smoker

And she also drank coffee

And I drink coffee

And it means I've changed

It means I'm not 7 years old

Like the last time he talked to me

And I'm tempted to remind him

That at my age

He was addicted to worse

But then it doesn't matter

Because an addict is an addict

And everyone is addicted to something.

Even if it's just coffee

Even if it's not

Even if it's an addiction to laying in bed and eating cake and binge watching netflix. Because I think I'm addicted to that too, and I'm tempted to tell him so.

But it wouldn't really matter

Because I'm still drinking coffee

And he's still talking about it

and outside it's started to snow

And it's ironic because it's May

And he hasn't seen snow in a year

And I saw snow last week

And Colorado is addicted to snow.

So what

I'm addicted to caffein

And netflix

And staring at the door

Because people

Like him

are addicted to leaving

And maybe one day I'll be addicted to nicotine

Coffee and cigarettes

Even though I'm not the biggest fan of cancer.