Coffee Sips

My hands are trembling And I can’t draw a straight line Is that a heart palpitation, or just a sign that I’m alive? And I’m pretty sure I’m broken Spent too much time staring in the mirror Looking for perfection Fixated on flaws Getting my fixation from what my future holds And spending my Friday nights in my mind While my friends sip on $3 bottles wines And smoke cheap cigarettes While I sip $5 cups of coffee I love the taste And do I lie to myself as I sip my latte My macchiato My French roast Can I live without my caffeine fix? Or Must I get my fix to feel fixed because I’m broken Because without my high My mind slows down My movements will stop And I might go to sleep My mind suddenly Seldom to think And who am I without my thoughts? Thoughts controlling actions Living with my head Wishing it were my hearts beat controlling my steps As I drink more coffee before 8 am than I should all day And should this matter at all? That I think too much Thinking myself into depression Into happiness While sipping on coffee till the cups are empty 300mg of caffeine by noon And music plays in my ear As the barista on 7th knows my name The barista at ports knows I want 4 shots of espresso not three And It's a Grind knows I spell my name with a "C" And it’s apparent I have thing for caffeine But my heartbeat increases with every sip With every sip I feel more alive And closer to God As I close my eyes and sway in the December wind Forgetting for a moment Forgetting for a moment That brokenness exists End.