A Collection of Mental Images from Yesterday Afternoon

We’re standing outside

Paintbrush in my hand

Helping with his Dad’s shed

I look around, unsure of what to do next

“I want to do something

But I don’t know what.” I say.

He has an idea

Comes over to me

Takes the brush out of my hand

Puts it down.

I don’t understand

Until he comes back to me

He wraps his arms around my waist

I melt into him

as he kisses me.

When he finally pulls away,

All he says is,

“That’s an option.”

This is what love feels like.

We’re laying on the floor

On the red carpet of his living room

He’s sleepy and cute

He has his face buried in my neck.

I trace my fingers across his skin

Over his arm, his hand, his elbow

And back again

I feel a change in his breathing

I think he’s asleep

Until I feel the tickle of eyelashes

Blinking against my cheek

We lay there

And talk about everything

His birth parents

Our regrets

How connected life is.

This is what love feels like.

He’s laying next to me

Eyes closed

I roll over slightly

And start to touch his face

running my fingers along his forehead

His cheek, his jaw.

I trace circles on his cheekbones, down his neck

I move his hair off his forehead

I am entranced

He opens his eyes

and looks at me.

“Shhhh” is all I manage to say

I put my hand over his eyes,

closing them again.

This is what love feels like.

I get up for a drink of water

He is still laying on the floor

I drink from my straw,

looking down at him.

He is watching me, smiles,

says, “what?” in a teasing voice

I put my water down,

Crawl back into his arms

“Everytime you say ‘what’

it makes me want to kiss you.

you’re doing it on purpose”

I say.

I lay down next to him,

on top of him,

kiss his face, his cheek, his neck

leave my face buried there.

“That makes me want to say

‘what’ more often”

He says.

This is what love feels like.

I have to go.

My brother is on his way

to pick me up

I grab my purse, my phone

We’re standing in the kitchen

He comes towards me again

Hands around my waist

Under my shirt in the back

touching my skin.

We stay like that,

we don’t kiss

we just breathe.

We hug like I’m his lifeline

Like we are all that’s left

In the center of the world

Like nothing else matters.

I wish, with that hug

That I could put him all back together

That I could be everything he needs

That he will never be sad

Never hurt himself ever again.

This is what love feels like.