Coming Up on 4 Years Questions

When was it that I fell in love with you? People say because cards say because the media tells us that our love is supposed to grow each day like some forever-blooming flower. Yet marriages fall apart. Sex, the once sacred activity of love is now a biological process one shares with many. Words get fuddled up and changed around and we are all lost in a sea of them, playing God’s label maker and trying to understand. I want to understand when I fell in love with you. If my life is a story I can see the big picture and remember moments but even I forget every minute that has passed. I remember looking out your bedroom window staring out at the world with you pressed against me hoping against all odds that somewhere out there was a future for us. I remember flirting freely at family parties charming others with a youthful innocence I failingly strive to get back. I remember cold drives out to the lake to see the stars and colder ones where I cried and you drove and tried to think how to get through to me and fix us. Almost four years have passed now and I still don’t know when I fell in love with you. I have a lot of answers to the why question… why I still love you through the ups and downs that is this ever turning timepiece of life that we have shared together. Do I love you more every day, you may ask? I love you differently every day, I’d say. I love you through the stony silences of yesterday, and the joyful togetherness celebrations of tomorrow. I love you as you change and I change and the world changes and we are just two pieces of the puzzle which is ever-expanding as we try to cling to each other and reshape to fit my head against your head breaths pound tears fall and togetherness becomes less about the physical and more about feeling understood by someone the only one who ever seems to get it so why is it so hard when we aren’t together?