commencement

and we didn’t
cry because
we weren’t sad -
I think you
were void
and I was on
a cloud, not
quite there.

graduation was
an out of body
time, a vision
viewed from a
screen, not
memory, 
and yet 
in retrospect
I know I would
have held on
to you.

saying good-bye
is never an empty
thing, never an
empty wish,
it is always
running over
and there is a
reason that god
flooded the earth
with emotion.

you made a speech
and I saw you were
nervous, the first
feeling I saw you
have in a very long
time. you joked
about the time spent,
wasted on studies
when you should have
gone for the girl,
you should have made
more memories,
to blink on and off
in your mind.

all you have are these
grades and a girl that
you never went after
but here’s to the future,
eh? here’s to next time,
if we have one,
and maybe then,
we can get together
and not ask what if.

you got off stage calmly
and didn’t go for my side.
you stood where you had to
and stared ahead at the
ceremony. I swore if I was
thinking, I’d have said it
was me. of course it was me.

but now I stare ahead,
watching a home video
like it’s on tv, a stranger’s
memory, not mine.

maybe next time
I won’t have to ask
what if.

maybe there will be
a next time,
eh?