Complicated Love

I look up and see the sky; heaven, I look at pictures and see a figure, A figure of my imagination Because you, you were never here. Abandonment, irresponsible, and lonely Tears were shed. Memories were never created, words left unsaid, Because you, you were gone. Ages two, Seven, Ten, And twelve, who were we to look to? Because you, you left. That weary day, It was so dreary, So foreign, a new chapter Because you, you ended the old one. It’s not something we wanted Not something we wished, For you were sick and unhealthy, And will always be missed. Because you, you decided to leave. Out of surprise, out of shock This life we never thought, Never wanted without you, A new world, and new beginnings, Because you, you vanished. I was so young, Innocent and clueless You were to guide me, yet didn’t. Raise me and protect me Because you, you left me unprotected. Harm, sadness, grief Washed amongst us Where were we to run to? No one. Because you, you hid from responsibility. Why did you have to leave? Why didn’t you stay longer? Why was I the one left with unanswered questions? Why? Why? Why?! Because you, you make me wonder. Whose arms were to rock me to sleep? What voice will I hear to wake me? Whose wisdom will teach me when I grow up? Not yours. Because you, you wouldn’t ever wake up. This wasn’t in the plans, Family was supposed to be a whole, Not someone missing, Because you, you broke that family. For I will never forget your name, Nor the stories of you, But I will never know the you and I, Because you, you weren’t there. Swimming meets, Piano recitals, Academic acknowledgements, Prom, homecoming, Your face was never there, Your voice never heard, Your comfort and support never appeared, Because you, you checked out. I can’t say I forgive you For it can never be forgotten. Someone like you doesn’t just Leave our minds; Because you, you left a legacy. For I may not have known you, But the person you stood for was someone I wish I had known Because you, you were once someone great. You may not even have seen me to grow, And go through life But I know I will always Have you in my heart Because you, you are an important part of mine. Jillane Mary Michelsen, Five foot, seven inches, Pretty face, and gorgeous eyes, Soft hands and athletic body, Mother of four and wife, Sister and daughter, Friend of many, Someone that will never be left behind. Life has never been the same without you, mom, For I never knew your cute laugh, Or your soft hands, I never knew that person I was supposed to call mom, Because you, you took your own life, heaven called you and you responded. Gone. Forever.