complications

while you are out here, striving and thriving, i am trying to stop myself from continually colliding into you. i wish i didn't love you as much as i do, i wish this was easier for me to articulate. i want a reason to hate you but i just loathe myself and even tho i know i can't stop you i know you'll fall for someone else. someone good, at least better than me, which is easy honestly and i never knew why you picked me but i was wrong, im not the one for you even if my heart and soul really want it to,, be true to yourself and to others im sorry that i wasted your time and kept you away from others, romantically. you are the casa nova that stole my heart but you never even meant to and you tried to hand it back but i burnt in it a map back to you. it was so i wouldnt lose my way but now i cant think what to say and i dont where to go if not to you. i am lost in what feels like a never ending fog, i fell into a ditch and i can't get up for the life of me. and i know that i need to get away from you but im pretty sure if that were something i should do i just would. but something feels amiss like you told me i could come back my heart hears dont let go and my brain says they're the one and my body is reacting like ive lost you. i know that i have in a sense but the only way ive ever imagined my life without you was if you passed away and we'd be older than, so i would be ready for it. no mess, just the hurt and the waiting, waiting for me to meet back up with you in some other place in some other time. but i guess that's what im doing now. im losing you, you're almost gone. but im hanging on and i need to losen my grip, for the both of us. i never want to hurt you but in that ive hurt myself, so many times. just for your sake. and im sorry, that's not fair to either of us. im sorry i think we have to become undone

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

spookydad

this is so messy but lets say its a sh*tpost poem of sorts? that's all im going to be putting on here rn

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741