Compliments into darkness

In that moment you compliment me,

i May feel

the tiniest bit pretty

i May give a nice smile hiding my eyes with fake blush

and I May fake a little giggle,

but it doesn’t help.

because in reality

when the lights turn off

and I sit alone with my thoughs

the images I receive of myself in my memories

are not what they use to be.

i no longer see the old me with long blonde hair and a pretty face

i see a loser who has dark hair and is a no body.

someone who hates them self and can’t stand a single thing in their life.

everything is procieved from a black hole.

it is all terrible.

nothing is right

but i won’t let anything be right

 because I secretly love the darkness

i love to be depressed.

i love it because it is the only time I know I am alive.

At least when I feel pain,

i feel something.

feeling nothing is scarry.

because In an instant, something, could happen.