Concession

Sign here on the dotted line if you will.

Don’t think or hesitate. Quickly before your emotions change your mind.

With this signature you’ll relinquish all rights to him.

My name written like an elegant rollercoaster has now sealed the deal.

Difficult, but it’s done. And for what exactly? Why do such a thing?

Why would someone give up their dad for adoption?

For me it’s because she’s 2 years old.

Because a girl with a part-time father doesn’t stand a chance.

I have to give him to her.

Not because I love her. This is not a grand gesture of sisterly sacrifice.

I have to give him to her

Because years ago when he quit and left, I gave him a final write up so he can never work for this company again.

And yet I looked at my phone yesterday and saw that he had the nerve to submit a part-time application.

“Hey Jem. I miss you sweetie. Call me back, it’s Dad.”

Selfish isn’t it? She loves him the way I am supposed to.

The way he was supposed to love me.

She loves him the way sleep loves time. Meanwhile I can only conjure up a quick nap’s worth of feeling for him.

But he wants to split things up. Divide himself for us. As if we are even.

But we are not. We are not equals.

Because she’s 2 years old.

Because she’s new and he should know better.

Every first time gardener may not have a green thumb, but with time comes knowledge.

So he should know better.

He should know that his seeds will not properly grow with seasonal parenting.

I have to give him to her.

Because I’m 19 years in the making and although I would have loved to make him my king.

The combination of my pride and the strict no nepotism policy within me will not allow our shared biology to override his mistakes.

So I have to give him to her.

Because unlike him I am not a monster.

My conscience will be clear and if she ever learns that a minute is 60 seconds but 60 seconds equals seven days when he forgets to show up on the weekends.

It will not be a lesson she learns because of me.

I have to give him to her.

Because I think it would be pretty cool for “My dad” and “Mom’s husband” to be synonyms.

Because somebody has to hate her first boyfriend.

He would have hated mine if he’d met him, but he didn’t even stay long enough to meet me.

So I’m giving him to her

Because sadly he couldn’t be a dad to me

And now he doesn’t have to be.

His branch has long since been cut from my family tree.

I’ve locked the door, destroyed the key.

So that whatever he does to her won’t be because of me.