Confessions of a Wallflower

I want to write and have important things to say

but my desire to reveal and my need to hide

wage war in my mind

with no successful victor

thoughts fall empty

words fail to appear

in moments of need

braced teeth bite lips

I’m alone, not always lonely

though that feeling creeps in

I yearn to be opaque

seen

heard

known

but more often than not

my quiet demeanor

transforms me to transparency

the paper dolls that surround me

walk right through me

live without me

I don't care for their lies

scarred backs

frivolous conversations

wrong assumptions

but I can’t say it doesn’t sting

the thing I fear the most

is that those who aren’t paper-thin

still don’t notice my presence

don’t feel my absence

some days I wish for a flood

to rip through everything

tear apart my insecurities

carry away the false pretenses

masks and pedestals

rid us all of insincerities

I drown my thoughts

with the words of strangers

living in worlds of fantasy

and alternate realities

feeling fictitious feelings

thriving in this wonderland

happy

neither alone nor lonely

for solace is found among the words I love

unfolding their hidden stories

discovering secrets concealed inside

lingering on the imaginations

made up of letters

carefully constructed

across the worn pages

their musk masking doubt

a sweet serene scent

my beautiful salvation