Conflicted

Mirror or time machine

Sometimes they become one

A black hole in my eyes

Why?

I'm a man tortured and defined by not only his past but a past he had no control over

Decisions and mistakes that were made before him that led him to make his own 

When I look in the mirror

Half of me is my father, a man, just as I'm suppose to be but never like him, yet a man nevertheless,  he's the only example I know..but his mistakes have made me think him less of one, yet he wants me to be..a man

The other half my mother, a boy, the boy who chases women, one after the other just trying to fill that void of her absence. It's not her fault. But still I needed her, the love and warm, bodies, these words that fill my bed at night can never replace what I desired from my mother

I used to fix my fitted cap in the mirror, make sure my laces were straight, heading to work, hittin the streets. A boy forced to be a man, alone

Now I fix my tie in the mirror, make sure my suit is straight, headin to work, hittin the streets. A man wishing to have his childhood back, or to have had one at all

It all has left me with great wisdom and great lessons with noone to share it with. It leaves me wondering what could have been and yet as me so ecstatic in what's gonna be

I've always been a boy in a suit that's too big for his britches, slowly filling my own shoes because noone else gave me theirs..

Time for work