Conflicted Heart

Location

On my mind, a constant consuming thought that invades and interrupts

Making it impossible to focus

Get out of my brain!

That smile distracts me when we are in the same room

I just want to look at the kind-hearted smile dawned across your kind-hearted face

 

Making me laugh most of the time, a smile usually painted by you on my face

But yet so much confliction left in this heart that skips when I stand anywhere beside you

I just want to punch you, and then hug you, then punch you again

You make me so lost, just wanting to scream, my feelings for you into your face but rather keep them hidden deep inside

 

Wipe that smile of your face.

Quit telling me jokes

Quit being so adorable

 

I just want to scream, these feeling boiling inside of me like a pot of tea

I just want to smile at you in a way that tells how I feel, but I’d rather just hide and not say a word

 

Wish I could just let it all fall out, an avalanche of desperation

But I know just one tumble of a rock would ruin everything,

cause everything we’ve ever had to crumble around my feet

I would be alone in the rubble of what was and what could’ve been

You would be long gone, running from that first stone

 

So I must keep this mouth of mine shut, fear is the lock

A friendship of three years could dissolve like dust in water if I say the wrong thing

Memories would become painful reminders of my destruction of a friendship in search for something more

 

Don’t walk with me the way you do, don’t sit so close to me and give me that look

That look breaks my heart, and fills it with joy as well

Those big brown eyes smiling at me as I pretend I’m someone else

But that’s all this conflicted heart wants to see, those beautiful big brown eyes

Those brown eyes, just want to scream

Don’t look at me!

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