Conflicted Love

They always say love yourself first,

other wise, you'll end up hurt.

But I'm tellin' you I loved me before.

It some how got out of hand and I started loving you more...

than myself.

Now I know that kind of stuff isn't good for mental health.

But everytime I talked to you I would lose my breath.

So just because I loved you more, I would cry everynight until I just started changin' the beauty that

God had devised.

Just because I thought you were one of a kind,

I started changing me, I started being the girl I never wanted to be.

Offering my body in exchange for conversation.

Pretending that doing sexual things was just giving into temptation

But in reality I didn't want to do it at all.

I was offerin' sex to stall and give me time to make you fall...again.

It was something I didn't understand

When I had you , I didn't want you .

But when you left, I needed you

When I was with you , I decieved you.

When you showed me signs of givng up, I should've believed you.

My story became I loved me, but I loved you more, now it's time for me to close that door.

So while they think my smile is honest,it's not because I'm really hurtin'

            - Words sincerely spoken by the young woman behind the curtain.