Conflictions

Warped within my feelings Struggling to stay on top while I’m sliding down this slope My mind and my heart at war Mind telling me “Chris know your place, understand this isn’t safe Know that what you’re up against might throw you down Knock you out, spit you out when it’s over and You’re struggling for the very breath you take so freely now Keep your position straight, not radical Love her from a distance, but understand your limits” My mind is on its own planet, relentless “Love her the way you want to, Keep her the way you need Show her the things you can do Kiss her in a way that makes it true Reveal your thoughts, your feelings, your truth Don’t let your thoughts influence your need” What am I to do when the entities keep clashing? One moment I’m up, one moment I’m crashing How is it that the emotions and mentality can keep me in this state? How do you survive when you’re afraid to inhale the love that your mind is steadily blowing out like carbon dioxide? Love is its methane My heart wants you like I need oxygen I inhale a little bit, but it’s a curveball I’m lost again Me, I try to place myself somewhere But I always end up in the middle between them I just want to look at you and say, “let me love you, I’m not into games, I promise Mold me into what you would like me to be, I promise you I am malleable Corrupt me, show me what you need Look at me and tell me you don’t feel a slight of the same, You push me away two steps, but I will continue to move forward three Keep me until you’re ready to push me away I refuse to hurt you; I refuse to make you have any negative emotions Allow me to help you; I’m not here for myself” But I know that my mind will never let me form those words My heart screams at me to do so Your words cut a little deeper Stripping away the shreds I want to tell you to stop pushing me Embrace me, but I’m following your lead I began it that way and I will continue I was an experiment, fun I fell too hard And I fade in the background while my mind and heart battle it out