Confronting The Fear

The smallest things.

The smallest things make me jump.

The quick brush of a hand, a deep voice in a crowded place, the smell of matches.

I didn't ask for this I didn't want to feel paralyzed everytime I think of him.

The fears finds me, creeps in out of nowhere makes me feel naked and alone.

And after everything he's put me through I have the audacity to look in the mirrior and not like what I see.

To tell myself I'm not good enough, to conform to societies standards, to pretend it nevered happend.

The smallest things.

The smallest things get to me.

A person complaining about superficial things, an add that sexualizes women, a young girl who wears half a swimsuit.

I didn't ask to be so critical. I never saw myself as the sort of person who judges, but is settling any better?

If you can't fight the fear can you hide from it? Can you hide IT from everyone else?

I wonder if they see me. If they see the demons and the negativity bottling up inside of me.

If maybe my fear isn't as secret as I thought. 

The funny thing is, I'm in control of the fear when the very thing that scares me is being out of control.

There are so many things that could trigger my fear but the one thing I know is my fear is not fair.

So I won't let it get to me won't let it in, because I'm in control of the smallest things...

it's not the things that are in control of me.