Connection

I felt it a few times as a child, being tickled, laying next to you

whilst you slept - watching your beautiful face, peaceful.

Another time  we went picking for daffodils and blueberries.

I happily you recall you falling into the hedgerows,

laughing whilst helping you out.

Most of all, my most cherished moment, was walking everywhere

together with you. My face planted next to your arm, gluing

myself to the fur coat you wore. I felt secure, happy and 

complete. 

Then the dark clouds overshadowed everything, totally blacked

all the happiness out. This dark intruder took you away for days,

sometimes weeks. Eventually it even took you away, by

your own hand.

Pain, so much pain replaced the shining love, the darkness

took over every fibre of my being.

Moving on, my first relationship was a disaster the poor girl

never stood a chance. The following years were spent in the

wilderness, fighting, crime and many more one night stands. 

A few volatile relationships later, the rescuer in me came to the 

fore only to become the persecuted once I understood the score. 

More years in the wilderness - this time all alone - trying to 

connect with one self in the darkness, still taking hold of my being. 

Only until I hit rock bottom did I realise I was a mess. 

The connection sought with others was truly lacking in oneself.

Slowly, oh so slowly I dragged myself together out of the pit

of despair to enjoy lifes adventures once again. 

It didn't happen immediately, the pendulum of progress swinging

left-to-right, in huge arces making me wonder would I ever

be sane again. 

It was only until I reached acceptance that I realised what I

was running away from. 

The connection I sought with others was always within my own

soul.