Conscientious Objector

There's a burning in my chest
And I can't tell whether my heart is on fire, set alight by the rush of energy transferred when he placed his hand on mine for the last time
Or melting because it could no longer withstand the intensity of his stare

There's a siren ringing in my ears
And I can't tell whether I can hear the heartwrenching sound of his name, stuttered with shaky breaths as I begged him to stay
Or whether my longing for him caused my imagination to play these wicked games, pretending he was calling into the abyss

There's a cloud of smoke blurring my vision, caused by the ghastly explosion of pure emotion
And I can't tell whether he's behind it, within my reach as I search the potential emptiness
Or whether he was never fully there to begin with, he never truly wanted me

There's an earthquake raging throughout my body
And I can't tell whether I'm completely overwhelmed by how easily I was subducted
Or whether our plates were pushed apart with so much force from the heat of the core that I couldn't do anything but tremble

There's an intollerable odour making it's way to my brain
But I know exactly what it is
It's the stench of our blazing remains
He started the fire, it was merely a habit to him, I was just another prisoner of his war
And I didn't want to fight
I always told myself to envisage the pain he could cause me if he was careless enough to destroy his own body with chemicals
But ultimately I didn't have to imagine
He destroyed me.

This poem is about: 
Me

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