Traveling backwards

I've felt everything there is to feel

Will everything from now on just be reduced versions of what i've already felt before?

I'm searching for the feelings that only surface when not seeked

like the dark consternation when you think there's one more stair than there really is

like the rarity of looking into the mirror as you walk by

to see your face and question 

the way your name does not sound quite like 

'yours' 

when repeatedly voiced in your head.

Submerged in the lesser 

feeling everything and nothing all at once

I need to feel something 

tremendous