A Constant Reminder

Dear Heartbreak,

     Please leave me be. I long so ardently to be happy. You are a constant reminder of him. The furiture where you spent your most intimate moments together. The bed where you had the most peaceful sleep of your life because he was there next to you. Your locker at school, where he would stand every day and wait to give you a kiss Goodmorning. The music you hated, but grew to love because he did. The places around town where you shared the most precious moment together. Everything in your home was once his. Even you. Now, the memories too painful to confront, you spend your days sitting on the floor or that one chair he barely ever touched. You carry all of your books with you to school to avoid going to your locker and seeing the ghost of his smiling face. That familiar disdain you once felt for that music now creeps its way back into your heart, but it's mixed with pain and longing for what once was. Those car rides with the windows open and that music playing, as a feeling of pure bliss and calm washed over you. Now, as a way to forget him, you listen to vulgar and angry music. The music he hated. Your eyes stay fixated on the road in front of you to stop yourself from looking around and seeing him everywhere you go. You avoid looking into mirrors because you can't stand to see the skin he once touched, the lips he once kissed, and the body you once shared. The body that became second to hers. A feeling of shame and self loathing washes over you and you choke back tears. You feel a stranger to your own home. Showers are quick and cold, hoping the cold water numbs the pain you feel everywhere. As you stand shivering, you're reminded of the warmpth he once brought to you. So you turn the water up as hot as you can bear it and watch as your skin turns red and the steam curls off of your skin; you stand and hope that you'll just melt away and disappear down the drain. You can't tell if the water on your face is spray from the shower or tears. You ask yourself, "what would possibly be worse than this?" Then the realization hits you. Losing yourself in someone who can no longer be yours, is worse than heartbreak.