Here it comes again.
There is the feeling.
Food, heavy in your stomach.
Your hands begin to shake and your palms begin to sweat.
You look around, searching desperately.
Where can you go?
Your mind plays tricks on your body.
Your guard comes down
You know you are ready.
The cold tile floor, porcelain, and faucet blur in your mind
They swirl around, mocking you
They let you know you have lost the battle again
You face the rim and breathe.
Coaxing yourself away from it you regain composure.
You start to walk away with your head held high.
You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror
You shudder and look away.
You hate what you see
You decide to fix it.
You slide your bony finger down your throat
The release comes.
Your body convulses
It’s sufficiently horrifying.
You see your prize in the bowl
Your reward for destroying yourself
Satisfaction and disgust engulf you
You wipe your mouth and promise,
You get up
No one knows
One more battle lost, one more day defeated.