Control

Everybody puts their pictures on my wall

Everybody feeds me what they think is fine  

Everybody tells me  what they think should be said

But no one knows and gives me what I need

They tell me when to wake and when to sleep

Their ideas indoctrinated in me

My control never really claimed

Or never really known

And still no one gives me what I need

There are no decisions, no choices  

Just orders to be followed

Not by omnipotent figure but by you, her, him, they, we

Constant demands of who I should be

What I should do

The constant battle to claim control over my body …

And no one gives me what I need

They assert their dominance

Order me, demand of me, ask of me, expect of me, take from me

Only to bolster their own power

To prove they are that much greater than me

But no one gives me what I need

Love is only translated into lies

Only as a means to achieve something in their own lives

To find their control

The one they take from me

The control is what I need

So as I write on body

Think my rebellion

and speak the imprudent

I am claiming,

No! demanding what I need

The choices never known

The freedom never felt

The power never claimed

It is all what I need   

To create my own choices

Tear down everybody’s pictures

Eat, sleep and feel what I want

To have even the slightest consent about what happens to my body

Is what I need

Fuck it

It is what I want   

More than anything ever

No hate

No ire

No remorse

No justice

Over those who once seeked to colonize me

Persuaded me

Dominated me

Abused me

Owned me….

For what I need, need need need and desire

Is not you

Not you or her or him or they or we

It is only control  

My Control