controlled after dark

It controls me, I can’t drop it,
It’s a constant battle I can’t drop it,
It’s become a battle, I can’t quit,
It’s taking over my body, bit by bit,

The scars fade, but the memories don’t,
I want them to leave, but they just won’t,
Something that won’t heal,
The only thing to make life real,

It’s an ongoing battle,
A fight I never win,
It’s a constant struggle,
A war that makes my life such a puzzle,

It’s my sweet escape,
Something that gets me lost in my own place,
Only I can’t control the pain,
Once my adrenalin starts to race,

I grab it from the dresser
A tear rolls down my cheek
A pres even harder
Reminding myself not to shriek

No one understands,
No one ever will,
My habit now controls me,
Whilst the world is standing still,

Now the room is spinning, 
My head is getting light,
I fall back on my bed
Refusing to put up a fight

My lights are turning out
So I’ll never see another bloody night