Conversations

This spoken word is not easy to create,

At least for me because my mind moves at an uneasy rate.

Between the lines of going too fast or maybe too slow,

The honest thoughts I have never get to show.

Before I speak I have to over-think

And if that's not the case, my words come out too bleak.

Over-thinking thoughts turn into dull sentences,

Yet blurting them out brings tough consequences.

So I don't ever plan to be bland,

It's just that if you'd heard my first response

you wouldn't give me a second chance.

The only way I know to seem inviting,

Is to keep these other thoughts locked in hiding.

I worry constantly while speaking to others,

“Do they like what I'm saying or are they secretly hating me?”

Every second I spend running my mouth,

I feel like the person listening is daydreaming of gauging their eyes out.

I take forever to respond to a text

Because I'm thinking of a decent message so you won't say 'next'

And leave me on read.

So for five minutes I'm staring at the screen,

Plotting your response in my head.

I wish simple thoughts could come naturally,

Because this filtering thing I do is aggravating.

Half of the time I'll say I don't care,

Yet when I feel as if I'm speaking too freely

Isolation is the first thought in my head.

“This wouldn't happen if you hadn't opened your mouth.”

And then I proceed to go along with a friendship drought.

Where I barely speak to the ones I love most,

In fear of the next thing I say is something they don't want to hear.

So I'll just continue to over-think, and stray clear of 'bleak week'.

To keep myself content with the things I say

And the things I think.