Counting Feathers

Early August, 2015 I haven't heard from you in weeks.

Emails go unanswered, although I think nothing of it.

I leave you gifts on your doorstep, but remain inconspicuous.

I think nothing of your silence.

Early September, 2012 it's less than 2 weeks before my 14th birthday.

You surprise me with a hug and a kiss.

I haven't had the best of mornings, but you made it all the worthwhile.

Your golden brown eyes glimmer with glee every time I look into them.

Early April, 2013 you start to get these thoughts.

You tell me that you're scared, and I feel helpless as to what to do...

It shatters my heart to see the tears flow from those beautiful eyes.

I think nothing of your ideas.

Early October, 2014 I see you in the hallway.

I'm singing a song you dedicated to me when we were still together.

Your eyebrows furrow as you drop your eyes from my own; were you ashamed?

My hands quiver as I gather my things and storm out of the practice room.

Early June, 2015 it's the day of your graduation.

I look down at my trembling hands as they get closer to calling your name.

The sound of it makes my heart leap into my throat as my forehead wrinkles in superficial distaste.

Instead, phantom despair clutters my mind as I refuse to look up.

Early November, 2012 sitting in my room, I drew you a picture.

Gunslinger by Avenged Sevenfold thrummed against my eardrums.

Your eyes burned like an amber flame in the back of my mind.

I think nothing of your conspiracy.

Early December, 2012 we're on Christmas break; you're away visiting family.

I miss you more and more every day.

I don't know what you're doing.

I start to get worried...

Early February, 2014 you catch me during lunch next to the ROTC building.

You miss me;

I can't be with you, but I promised that I would still be your friend.

You seemed to be fine by my explanation.

Early May, 2011 I'm 13 years old.

I haven't met you yet, but somehow I subconsciously knew that I was going to;

I didn't know when we would meet each other.

I thought nothing of your existence.

Early January, 2015 I'm in the hospital with my mom; she has been diagnosed with cancer...

I can't stop thinking about you, even though I'm confused as to why you're on my mind.

I'm scared, but I refuse to let my mom know this.

Why couldn't you be there to comfort me through this tribulation?

Early September, 2015 I'm less than a month into my senior year of high school.

You cross my mind every now and again, but not as bad as it once was.

I've accepted that no matter the circumstances, life moves on.

I've moved on; not because I had to, but because I wanted to.