Cracked Compasses

What's wrong? How am I supposed to tell you what's wrong when I don't know myself? When the emptiness inside is so overwhelming my mind is equally as blank When I stand out in the frigid night and tears make freezing tracks down my face I hold that coldness in my heart and pile more and more blankets on top in the false hope I will someday be warm When I wander through my home with a vague feeling of looking for things lost Not knowing that I am the one who needs to be found What's right? How am I supposed to tell you what's right when my moral compass was locked away years ago Deep in a chest inside me And with a shovel I sweat and struggle To pitch all my guilt and shame and darkness into that chest Until finally the weight gets too much and the compass cracks And I feel that crack through every part of my soul But still I shovel on in hopes that the pile I am shoveling will someday get smaller In hopes that the chest will someday lock around all that shame And I can hide in away inside of me to never be seen again What to do? How am I supposed to tell you what to do when I can barely even get out of bed in the morning And at night I feel so worn I can't get the strength to try When I feel like I am struggling towards something that I will never reach But I keep going because I know of nothing else to do When the bursts of happiness get shorter and shorter And the cold empty space grows inside my chest Until I scream out “Why! Why can't you hear me! Why can't you help me?” over and over again Through lips that will never move And with prayers that will never be answered So now it is my turn to ask you why Why will you never stop with the questions? Why won't you leave me alone? Why do you insist of poking me and prodding me until I am just too sick and tired of it to do anything? Can't you see I am too broken to help you? Can't you see I am too broken to help myself? That I am torn apart in so many pieces that I am nothing but scraps fluttering in the wind? As every emotion hits me so hard it tears a new hole? Why can't you just leave me to my cold and my shoveling Leave me to curl up in this empty room and cry If I can even find the energy to cry And let me fall to pieces so I can someday pick myself back up?