That’s the sound of the world stopping

September 18th, 2018.

 

To this day, when I picture you,

All I hear are snakes.

The lies that flowed out of you with ease.

Like a river rushing,

Rushing down and down,

Down into a never ending pit.

A pit that I called love.

Love? What do I know about love?

 

September 18th?

The title I gave that day is “The Day you set me Free.”

No wait,

The day I set myself free

The day I stopped believing that the world turns for you.

The day I stopped putting myself second.

The day I realized I don’t need a man.

 

I stopped believing everything you taught me.

Everything you told me I was.  

My body the shell that you sculpted.

I broke out of that shell.

 

With every lie you told me,

With every lie I believed in,

I tore myself apart.

I told myself I wasn’t good enough.

I told myself the only happiness I had was you.

I held onto you like death.

 

You became the life jacket that gave me air,

But little did I know,

You were the one holding me under.

I forgot myself.  

I forgot my passions.  

I forgot my friends,

My family.

Because all that mattered was you.

 

Why would I do this to myself?

Why would I allow you to do this to me?

 

September 18th, 2018

I now see the world with fresh eyes,

With the hazel eyes I was born into.

I was no longer tainted,

By the brown eyes I tried to impress.  

After everything,

This is the scariest moment.

By myself,

On my own,

Wondering what the world will throw at me next.