Cries of Fear

It takes me back to the carriage

Where mama would craddle me at night

They way I would loudly sob when i needed her 

The anticipation I would get while waiting for her to rescue me

The way she always knew what was wrong

diaper change..

feeding time..

in danger...

laying wrong...

she always knew i didn't want to be held by others

The way she would dress me after a bath

powder then the baby lotion

I can still remember just the way it smelled

A fresh scent that would make me smile as she tickled me

I felt so protected in her arms

As the tears fell they tasted so bittersweet

Crying louder I could feel the pain immensify

Just like those days when i had a bad ear ache

But mama would make it right

Now twenty years old 

I still am quite capable of that same cry

The one I had so long in my infancy

I never know exactly when it will arrive

But when it does i can hear the pain

He has to stop me or else it will be heard miles away

It starts with a silent stare then an unexpected shrilling cry

When it arrives and I cry the embarrasment kicks in

Even i cant begin to understand why

Perhaps its the confusion of the act that puts me in fear

The fear of the unknown

When it strikes...

I wait for her still at night.