Cries from my mind

I’m at a point where reality and misled feelings are at a crossroad. A pile of confusion swept under the rug. Hurtful truth or hurtful fillers ? Is it just one or both that spill out of your mouth on what feels out of the blue. I’m left cut open, so you try to fill the gap with I love you’s and a quick message you hope I will enjoy hearing. All I hear is the hollow voice that plays back in my memory, as I had begged for communication and you kept me in silence. I now do not want to speak. For I am afraid of my voice. It has always gotten me to a point of this nonexistent nonsense. My words fumble like the ball thrown to the in zone. For I am not in the zone, I am out of reach of all things normal now. My normality you speak of is forever hidden. I am the form of dissatisfaction and hostility. I make amends just to throw myself away the next day. I lay numb and weary, silenced, like you wanted. 

You wait for the next day to shine again and I wake up to the same mess that went unresolved. I want to give up after I thought things were finally getting further and better, but then I’m shown how far from happiness I really am. My problems don’t ever get solved, they get pushed back into my memory waiting to come out as soon as my world crumbles again.