Cripple

My mom does this thing I like to call

'The Posture Look'
She widens her eyes, raises her eyebrows, presses a hand to my back until it straightens.

Lately I've been getting the look more and more often
These shoulders of mine are curved
My head is bowed
Arms held around to keep myself from falling down.

Lately, the weight of the world has been too much to carry

These burdens of failure, depression and anxiety,

once just chips on my shoulders,

have grown far too heavy

I am slowly dragging

Down.

My mom gives me ‘The Posture Look’

but my back is permanently bent

like I broke my spine and didn’t bother to get it fixed

because how can I bother to get it fixed if no one thinks anything is wrong?

I suffer from phantom pains.

Ghosts that only I can feel-

it makes me wonder if they’re even real.