Crosses

I’m sitting in a church, The pew is hard beneath my body. Marble lines the walls and floors, And they say they open all their doors. Crosses choke my family’s necks And I try to join but I can’t No, they say everyone’s welcome, Everyone but me, Everyone but the others like me Kids who don’t know, don’t know who they are Who need communities to thrive And I can’t even breathe, I’m drowning to survive My father crosses his chest, says it’s a holy altar My friends and family feel him inside them So why can’t I? If I worked harder, had been stronger, braver Better, would he answer my Prayers? Empty prayers, I do everything right But they’re hollow inside. I don’t feel connected, don’t feel like god’s child But they say he loves everyone, So why can’t I feel it? Maybe he hates me for being queer? Weird, and the people do, so why shouldn’t he? Can’t both communities live side by side? That’s not what the people decide. They say religion is purpose, That I’m sinful otherwise So I smile and nod and drill crosses in my eyes It doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t feel real. A man in the sky that everyone can see Everyone loves, everyone but me.