Crucial

They were picked and uprooted and packaged up

Nice and prettily

Torn and shown and given up

All just for me

Now they lie underneath my sleep

Without an eye to see

Their petals push up to my head

Urging their reminders:

None of this could ever work

None of this is me

None of this is what I want

Nothing comes for free

None of this is right for her

Neither right for me

None of what I’ll do for her

Or even her for me

Could ever change a single thing

Could ever hold the key

Could ever make the thought that I

Could ever ever be-

They were meant for the sun the water the grass

But now they lie instead

Deep inside my consciousness

And underneath my bed

And though they’ve long been rotted

They’ve never been forgotten

The odor of their pollen drifts

And wafts into my dreams

What once was viewed as a pleasant smell

Now seems so wrong to me

Every time I feel it now

I want to thrash and scream

Everyone thinks it’s just alright

But nothing is ever just alright

And none of this is alright, alright?

Just let me feel this way

I know they do not understand

I know that sounds so preachy

I know they want to hold my hand

I know I cannot let them

I know I should want special care

I know they want to give it

But I also know that I am scared

To figure out my limit

Because if I reach it

Will I be able to breach it

Into where the rest of them are

Or will I just

Fall apart?

I wish and wish upon a star

But wishes alone do nothing

I have to do this on my own

I have to just push through it

Cause though the help is needed

It’s not the lone solution

I need to help myself as well

Your own effort here is crucial.