A Crush

In a last minute tribute to you, sir,

I write this poem.

Hopefully, then I'll be able to go on.

 

It started when I first laid eyes on you.

 

It was a Wednesday evening,

So you can guess where we were.

 

I walked in, not expecting anything in particular.

It was another midweek service, and only that-

Until I glanced around and saw a newcomer.

 

You were in that kitchen, the one tucked away-

Your hair, the color of copper, was swept off to the side.

I can't say I remember what you wore, simply because

Your face was all that held my attention. 

 

I'm not a very socialable person.

You obviously were, the way you were talking at the time,

Smiling and nodding- maybe you already knew them? 

It never crossed my mind if you had.

Anyways, you just have a way about you that attracted people.

 

I was attracted-

Sometimes I wonder if it was love at first sight...

Again, I don't really talk to people,

But you were automatically an exception.

I knew I had to talk to you, 

I even knew what my opening line was. 

 

"So is it true that red heads have no souls?"

You laughed. I laughed.

I was transfixed. 

You joked that every freckle you had was a soul that you had stolen,

Which was followed by pointing at various freckles and discussion of obtaining such.

It was great fun, and it was easy fun too.

But the next part would impress you upon me for the next couple years.

 

You took out a quarter and said,

"If I flip this coin and you get it wrong, you've sold your soul to me." 

I thought that I was pretty good at this game,

So obviously, I agreed to it. 

In the fewest words as possible, I'll say that I lost.

I lost the next seven tosses as well.

My soul was undoubtedly lost, seven times over.

But I didn't worry about it, nor do I now.

 

I wonder if you remember that moment..

I would ask, but that memory just seems..

So, I regret to say, "so intimate" for some reason.

A conversation that starts with "Remember when we first met?" Just-

Seems like something only lovers or closest friends would initiate-

And we are neither.

To be sure, we are friends,

And I am glad for that, and I hope we stay that way.

But is that all we could be- could have been? 

 

You were dating someone I never would know at the time.

And I respected that.

I didn't flirt or really talk to you-

I honestly suppressed whatever thoughts of you came to mind.

It'd be one of several times I tried getting over you. 

But then your relationship with her ended.

I waited a couple months before favoring the idea of the two of us.

This is all rather embarrassing, thinking of how long this may have taken.

Because you might have been interested in a relationship at a point in time, 

But you never physically said anything to me about it.

 

I texted you once about the prospect of hanging out,

But you were busy, you said.

And that just seemed to be the end of that. 

Later the prospect of you dating someone from our youth group came up-

And maybe I thought I had a chance-

I could almost feel it,

Because your family loves me and there was that connection-

But that was the exact opposite requirement, it would seem.

I recall you posting something along the lines of-

"I'd want to date you, but I won't let them have what they want."

At the time of seeing it, I didn't think it was pointed at me-

 

Then puzzle pieces came together..

Your family has refered to encouraging our relations in the past..

You aren't too fond of them forcing stuff like that on you-

That's obvious, and I get it-

Kinda amuses me but not without causing a little pity first-

We have such different families-

It's just something that lead me to that realization.

Is it all just in my imagination?

I don't think so

But I won't bet on this theory.

And I won't ask about it.

 

Long story short, I wasn't the one you chose-

I was disappointed- but once more, I decided I would respect your decision,

And I think I have for the most part, definitely not to the same affect as previously.

I avoided talking to you for another reason-

She just seemed to get a little uncomfortable when we talked, not sure why..

But you see, your relationship with her has been somewhat enlightening.

In the time I've spent wonting after what you two have,

I have also been thinking:

You aren't interested in getting married for several more years-

I'm not emotionally ready to be with anyone,

We have differing opinions where it matters,

And in a couple months, we'll be hundreds of months apart anyways,

And so on. 

 

So the purpose for this peom?

It's not an oath of infinite dedication to the thought of loving you,

Quite the opposite. 

I'm done with this fruitless obsession. 

I don't lay all the blame on you, please recognize that,

I blame myself twice as much for my being this way.

I need to move on before I leave for the next step of my life,

And if you're not going to be apart of it..

Yeah, I have to leave that idea behind. 

I just think if I put it in writing that I'll be permanant

And this frustration will finally leave me to think of other things. 

 

Hey, thanks, amigo.

In the midst of the worst three years of my life,

You were part of the best of it.

I hope we talk after this-

Not that I'm going to show you this.

I honestly don't know what you're going to do after we graduate.

I should probably talk to you about that-

Actually, it's a nice conversation starter.

I'll talk to you.

See you soon, dude.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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