Currently What is on My Mind

I am a refugee

Chased away from my home, a place where I though I was the safest and nothing in this world could ever get to me. 

All of the problems that existed outside my existence  use to fade away in their attempt of trying to steal away what was dear to me.

Never living a life of complete comfort, but I was always happy what with I had. Only shedding childish tears that were easily wiped away as I walked into the loving arms of those I felt love from

But now i am refugee 

Persecuted by the man who swore on his life on the day I was born that he loved me. Sworn to by the woman who birthed me that she always would keep me safe. Then why for two years did he make my life a living hell and all she did was stay silent, trying to keep the fragile peace that seemed to be in pieces anyways as he tried to burn away the roots of his problems with the use of a substance. 

Soon his substance of choice became my substance of choice as I tried to substitute the war I seemed to be fighting with myself with every waking hour of my day with the calm cool collected face that most if not all of my peers became accustomed to. 

A year went by but the battle was no longer between me and him,but now between me and my own self being. A long drawn out battle that still to this day that I'm fervently still fighting, but seemly still losing

The battle growing more and more violent and more and more conflicts keep attributing itself to it's causes, and it seems like no matter how many self conflict specialist, that are supposed to help, who are hand picked by the supposedly greatest powers who influence my growth,

I am a refugee 

Lost in a world of confusion never knowing where I am or how I'm going to return to where I was. I don't even know if where I used to be will still be there. Can I ever get back to a place where I feel normal. Is normal even a possibility for someone so damaged by the words  of his father, the promises my mother made to me or the thoughts that roams through my own mind. 

I am a refugee

Not from some war torn country but from myself. A kid who used to be happy everyday, who couldn't help but smile with life and at the prospects life held for him. A kid who fights with depression on a a daily bases. Questioning his faith in a higher power, because if there was a god then how could he bless me with a home to live in, then through his own free will decide to rip it from my weak and feeble grasp knowing that despite how it looks on the outside, I am as raw and tender as any other slab of meat you can find at your local grocery store. Just waiting to be wanted and loved and appreciated for my own unique flavors

I am a refugee