When I first did it

it hurt.

My fingers shooks

my body was shaky

I couldn’t stop the tears

-oh God how I wanted them to stop.

The first time I did it

I was hooked.

Like any drug

it took only once.

When I would cry

it was the first thing to come to mind

what a perfect release

an escape route that calmed me.

it hurt

-or it should have

but as I begun to do it more

I started to like it.

The feel reminded me I was still alive

seeing the blood slide down my leg

was so exhilarating

so enticing

but I knew I had to stop.

I couldn’t stay addicted

hurting myself would do nothing

other than leave scars

I tried to stop

but i was hooked

with every sorrow

every tear

I was brought back to the knife

brought back to the sting

-oh how i loved that sting

it controlled my life.

Then you came in

I still crave that feeling

I still desire my own oasis

but you show me that it hurts

it is you who pushes away temptation

it is memories you’ve given me

that are my salvation

that keep my skin uncut.