on cycles and red

You, 
are so goddamn beautiful
it keeps me awake at night
when i cant sleep
I dwell on things, cycles
I need cigarettes because they smell like my uncle
and remind me of my grandfather
I need you for desperation, need some shape of you to write
nicotine helps me clear my head to write
smoking weed redesigns my mind 

and for sure nothing makes me smoke more than this woman

do they lead anywhere
or ever intersect, 
or are they just circles
of self loathing and death