Dad

Just close your eyes

Bounce back to the old days

Where there was no need for crying

Where people wasn’t afraid of thieves, lies, and dying

This time in which I was born

Opening my small brown eyes to gaze upon your face

Your chocolate complexion, big smile, and afro

It was good in those innocent days

From that day forth there was a connection

Between you and me

A future

Not to bright to see and not to dark to look over

A body not sober

But drunk on this love between me and you

Stuck together like glue

Building this nation of a wonderful creation

Of you and me

But little did I see how this was affecting you

For you to look

Look upon me and see

Someone I was never meant to be

Your mind was a maze

Covered by a thick haze

Of booze and AIDS

You looked at me but did not see a little girl

No, you saw a woman

And that, just that, made the connection crumble

It was the arguments between you and mom

The cursing, smashing of dishes,

Screaming, and calling each other bitches

My ears still ring from those terrible things

That made my head hurt

And eyes my tears sting

Of this thing, this creature without a face

The one that had no place in this house

Instead it was in and not out

Of this peaceful zone, this sanction

Reducing me to this state of fear and abandonment

In my room I cry, asking why

Why us?

In you came

Blood shot eyes

Unfocused and seeing this unseen image

Of a woman who was not there

Long, luxurious hair, big breasted, brown eyes,

Bodacious body, sweet smile

Not that it ever crossed your mind that I was a child

A child of you, from you, created by you

The same blood that runs through you

Runs through my veins

And I feel the pain

As my body recoils from your seeking hands

Hands of filth

As they caress this virgin body

Of a child

A child who knew not of your actions

Only that it eludes love

As you touch and hug

On her early developed body

*Gasp*

Knocked out of the past

I stand in the present

Damaged in the mind

As I remember you

Blood shot eyes

Breathe tingling with liquor

And your ever so seeking hands

I feel the imprint

And the filth of your hands

As I scrub my body

Until my skin is red

I wanted to die

To disappear to this altered world

Of me and the old days

To see beyond eyes unseen

Through this invisible mirror

Looking upon the world as it pass me by

And no it wasn’t just you

Who damaged a connection with me

You see

You was the heart in me that crumbled

But the moms

She was the spirit that held together my being

This being of this caramel toned

Brown eyed child

I am but am not

A child I was but was not

As I grew up to see

This evilness inside me, myself, and I

The present is hard

But I look into the future

And see the things I will miss out on

Not that you are gone

I will miss the laughs

Of seeing your face

As I proceed to introduce

The guy I am to mate

I will miss the pride and joy

Light up your face

As I walk across the stage

On graduation day

Of holding your arm

As you walk me down the isle

On my wedding day

Your final words

As you give me away

To the man you approve of

To make me happy every day

It was hard to watch my grandmother

Suffer day upon day

Until the day she passed away

With a light heart and a peaceful mind

Of the time when she will see you again

Before the pain

The rain

And the clouds

You was my right hand man

The one that would stand

Behind me lifting me up to the light

So that I will see

That I represent more than me

It was you and me

And this world of our creation

That through thick and thin

Still stands our nation

The connection or you and me

Don’t you see

That I still believe

That you watch over me

Pouring love on this scene

So I’ll stand

A one member band

Of us

Me and you against the world

And even though you are not here in the flesh

Your spirit hovers in the atmosphere

So now I feel no fear

I can now put you to rest

In my world

For you will always be my daddy

And me… your baby girl