Dad

My earliest memory of you 

Is neither good or bad

Wait,

Thats right

Because I don’t have one

My earliest memory of knowing of you 

Was ten,

When all my friends had dads, but I didnt

I asked my mom why and she said

“You’re to young to understand”

There have been so many times I’ve wanted to pick up the phone and call you

To find out where you lived and meet you 

To have my “real dad” in my life

Times when I said I would meet you, 

So my “Daddy” could walk his littler girl down the aisle

My earliest memory of hating you,

Was twelve,

I’m pretty sure I remember the date

February first

You should’ve been a dad, 

you shouldn’t of given up

You should’ve fought

You had 90 days, 

Guess I didn’t matter

And I hated you, I hated you with everything in me

I wanted to cuss you out

I wanted to meet you and yell at you and tell you you’re the worst person to ever walk the earth

That YOU sir do not deserve to live,

That you are a horrible father,

But now that I think about it,

I wouldn’t waste my breathe 

If I were to meet you today,

I’d say thank you 

I wouldn’t introduce myself, 

I’d simple shake your hand and say thank you 

And if you asked me for what,

This is what I’d tell you 

“Thank you for leaving,

Thank you being so heartless,

Thank you for being able to walk away and never look back

Thank you for not fighting 

Thank you for moving on 

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to know what a dad should be 

And how much a man should care

Thank you”

And as you sat there all confused I’d go on

“Thank you for giving me these horrible trust issues

These insecurities that every man will end up leaving and you can’t trust any of them

Thank you for making me feel unwanted

Thank you for making me feel like I’m never going to be good enough

And that I should never fight for someone I love

Thank you”

And right as I was about to leave I’d turn back and say 

“I know what its like to have a real dad

And he's not you

He’s the guy sitting at my house right now waiting for me to get back and cry on his shoulder

He’s the man you kissed my boo boo’s when I fell down on the play ground

He’s the man who loved me enough to adopt me,

He fought for me

And he is my father

And he’ll be walking me down the aisle one day,

Because thats what a real father does