Dad - The Bull

Dad, Growing up, wanting to know your stories, wanting to know more about you, you refused. You refused to reminisce. You refused to let me in. With both mom and you going through war, to survive, to find a new home, I understand. While not learning about your story upsets me, I understand. But you have to understand that's how you are. With your bull stance, not moving an inch, not budging, not backing down, that's who you are. Growing up with you, it was hard. Not being able to move you, not being able to persuade you, not being able to make you understand me. It was hard. I was the bull wrangler, while you were the big bull. With the idea of being the person danging the red cape, to get you to bite, you never did. With school, you were the harshest. You didn't understand me, you didn't understand that I was struggling. I was struggling because of the responsibility I had taken on. The responsibility that was yours in the first place. The responsibility meant worrying about 6 other children. I spent numerous times focusing on my siblings, not having time for myself. Yet, you didn't understand. I resented you. But when your bull stance faultered, I was confused. A strong bull like you never faltered. But when looking at you, seeing your hair turn gray, seeing you suffer heart aches, constant pain, I dropped the red cape. Mom, telling me about your restless nights, telling me about your chest pains, your body pains, I stopped. Feeling more worried about you, feeling more scared that I would lose my bull, made me reminisce about the parts that I cherished with you. American Idol nights, betting on who was going to win, going hunting together, sneaking behind mother to get a dog, and all the times we laughed together. It led me to see you as not the bull, But as my father. Budding heads was not a bad memory. But as a way of support, you gave. Looking back, your harshness shaped who I am today. Without it, I wouldn't have learned how to cope. I wouldn't have learned how to forgive. So instead of resentment, I forgive. I thank you. And I love you, to remind you that I do.